“Do not get on that plane if you don’t want to marry me”. Just like that he said it. “Excuse me?” I thought. Again I heard, “Do not get on that plane if you don’t want to marry me”. I was beside myself. Why in the world was he going from asking me to come for a visit with him in Texas to such a monumental step as committing the rest of my life to him? The even bigger question is why didn’t I tell him he was crazy and breakdown the conversation into little pieces in order to prove to him why he was being so dramatic? That would have been a more typical response from me but not that moment. Instead, I booked the tickets that day, which took place a little over a year from today. Now take a step back with me to a day about 1 month before this conversation when a handful of my girlfriends were visiting and we were having fun and talking about nonsense all day. It was December so we were all thinking about the year gone by and looking to the New Year coming up wondering what was in store for us. Like many, we wanted to know if we would land that career position, would we find love and so many other things. The one woman visiting was holistic healer by trade and had a special gift of bringing positive energy and the rest of us all had optimistic outlooks in general so we had a lot of hope. When it came to me and the question of would I find love in the New Year, the answer was Yes and it would be with someone I know. Darn, I thought, I recalled my list of past loves and current friends and thought, I don’t want any of the people I know to be the one I fall in love with. None of them met my little checklist of characteristics I believed I wanted and needed in my life. But this plan for me that was unfolding was not wavering. Finally, I looked up and said, “Please don’t let it be Russell!”. I don’t know why exactly he came to my mind but he did and I said it. All 3 of my friends perked straight up, grinned and looked at each other before asking almost in unison……”Who’s Russell”? I couldn’t believe it but yes it was true, I didn’t tell them anything about him over the past few years and they knew just about everything in my relationships. Well I had to start explaining somehow to them because I know this was not going to just slip itself quietly under the rug. I began to tell my story.
AS CLEAR AS MUD
In an earlier post I have shared that when I look back in my life I have had several acts of Faith where I had to step out into the unknown and let life happen as it did. I simply showed up and I was in all cases rewarded beyond what I ever imagined. My current Faith journey is coming upon its year anniversary and I am still not able to see how it is going to work. To be perfectly open and honest, there are days where I believe I have regressed further away from my purpose because of the path I am taking and I question if I am making the right decisions. Most days I find myself unsure if I am following my own desires or that of Gods. The only way I am able to reconcile that where I am walking is the right path is because of the peace I feel about who I am and what is happening in my life. I am not worried or scared about the future although my human instincts could be screaming for me to run away from it…but I don’t. For in spite of my mistakes and changes that I see pulling me away from what “I know” is “right” some days, I do not ever seem to question that I am following a path greater than one I would have chosen for myself. I realize that what “I know” is very little in the big picture. What “I know” is often based on what I see and have experienced yet I realize that Faith is not based on what I have seen or experienced. Faith is more often the complete opposite. It is a mystery. Faith I have learned, is about as clear as mud. The path I am on is difficult and not one most others (or even I)understood when I started but it is miraculously supported and even inspiring by everyone around me. It is becoming one more testimony in my life that I believe will show how powerful Faith is and how great the rewards are for following it. My story is at the most basic level, a love story. It is about several of my relationships but mostly about one very special relationship. I will be writing about it in my next posts. I cannot wait to share why this relationship has become MY TESTIMONY of FAITH.
Finding Faith
Have you ever searched for Faith? The tricky part about finding Faith is that it is not a tangible item that is literally in a specific hiding spot. We don’t just walk up on it, pick it up and instantly have it. On the contrary, we do not have to search anywhere other than ourselves for Faith is in us already. When you’re ready to live by Faith, you will simply need to stop walking and be still. Once your still you will most importantly need to make a choice to have it. Once that choice is made you will likely need to make it again and again, every day, if not several times a day during harder times because it is not always easy to keep living in Faith. You see, to walk in Faith often times means to let go of our own understanding and still show up and sometimes to even take a step forward into an unknown phase of our life. Our human side will not always be so willing to let go of our desires to understand and/or control our environment. To many that creates a very vulnerable state and we instinctively want to protect ourselves. That is ok to feel this. This is quite normal to feel. We are in fact still human after all. The beautiful part though is that within us we also have a spiritual side and this is where our Faith sits. Once we open this part up, we realize we don’t have to worry about being hurt or making mistakes because we know a higher power, is leading us. For me personally, I put my Faith in God and know that he has a vision for me that is always for good. My faith is not in me because I know I have weaknesses and I have temptations to stray from my path. Instead, my Faith is in God who I believe is all knowing and all powerful. I do not need to understand His plans; I just need to follow them. Where do you put your Faith? Do you fully trust your source of Faith?
Stepping Out In Faith
How does one step out in Faith? What does it look like or feel like? There is definitely a look and feel that should be undeniably recognizably tied to an action taken in Faith. Have you seen or felt it in your life? I have on several occasions but in all honesty I didn’t first realize it on my own. It took my friends and family to point it out with their questions and comments and in some cases, it took years for me to retroactively recognize past events as steps taken in Faith. I was not able to connect the dots until I actually found my Faith years later. Once I did I was humbled but proud of myself for doing so because I realized that act of stepping out in Faith is significant. I have learned in the recent years that it is so very rare for people to have Faith now a days and if you do, finding people who can understand their Faith enough to step out in it is even rarer. I did it though. I stepped out in Faith not once, not twice but over and over and over again in my life. In every incidence, it has given me the most amazing results. Results I could never have imagined possible. I could not even see the end goals on my own. All I had in front of me were a few stepping stones to start my journey if I chose to. I am so glad I chose to walk and I took those first few steps. Are you ready to take yours?
Got Faith?
Having Faith is essential to having a healthy and balanced life. Living without Faith, is really saying that we believe that we ourselves are solely responsible for what happens in our lives and that there is no higher influence present in our lives. It often means that we believe that if we can not envision or comprehend something, than it must not truly exist. Living without Faith is often exhausting. Trying to take on the world on your own can be overwhelming. To live a healthy and balanced life, we need to recognize we can not do it alone. Where our Faith comes from is a very personal place. For me it is my Christianity. Do you have Faith? Where does it originate from?
Inspiring Faith 